Cats vs Dogs
by Loki Firefox
Summary: Brittany figures out why she and Sam aren't working out. It's as simple as cats and dogs. Drabble. Blam-biased.


**A/N** - This was actually inspired after reading SageK's "Adding to the Foundation". So, Miz K, this is for you. Also, I feel a little guilty for how I treated Brittany in "A Long Time Coming".

This is drabble.

Also being in Brittany's head kinda hurts.

* * *

Brittany figured something out. It happens all the time but this time she's figured out something that she's _sure_ other people will understand. People can be so slow sometimes.

It's about relationships. Brittany has been trying to understand why she and Sam are not as close as they can be. She loves Sam and she knows that he loves her but there's something there that's keeping them apart.

And she's figured it out. It's quite simple really. She even did what Mr. Daley said in science class (she couldn't remember which science class but she's sure it was a science class because Blaine was there to help her out) about proving a theory by observing facts.

So Brittany took out a fresh sheet of paper and her crayons and started to get to work. As soon as she was happy with her picture she set it aside and started writing the observations she observed that proves her theory is right.

It's about cat-people and dog-people.

Cat-people like cats and cats put up with them. Cat-people are independent, graceful and sharp. Dog-people are friendly, loud and soft. Cat-people and dog-people can be friends but they can't ever be more than that because they are too different.

So Brittany wrote down a list of all the cat-people she knew, she kept it in New Directions because she knew who were friends and who were more than friends:

**_Cat-People:_**

_Brittany (yay!)_  
_Santana (very sharp! and she and Santana are more than friends)_  
_Quinn (very catty, Lord Tubbington thinks she's almost like a cat)_  
_Kurt (he likes to keep clean)_  
_Mike (he move likes one and is very quiet, and she and him got along great)_  
_Tina (she's mean like Lord Tubbington sometimes)_  
_Sugar (like a Persian cat!)_  
_Kitty (her name is a dead give away)_  
_Mercedes after she got a haircut (she walks like a cat)  
__Unique (she likes to sit on the piano)_

**_Dog-People:_**

_Sam _**:(**  
_Rachel (very, very, very loud)_  
_Finn (very, very, very soft)_  
_Puck_  
_Blaine (puppy Blaine!)_  
_Joe_  
_Girl Mercedes_  
_Jake_  
_Marley  
__Ryderfish_

Brittany looks at her list then adds:  
_Lauren is a bear person._

Then thinks for a bit then adds:  
_Artie = robot  
__Rory is a leprechaun_

Then she writes down her proofs. She and Santana are cat-people and they were happy until Santana had to move away. Tina and Mike are cat-people and were happy until Mike had to move away. (And Tina became a mean cat. Like Lord Tubbington.)

Finn and Rachel are dog-people and they were happy until Rachel had to move away. Sam and Girl Mercedes are dog-people and were happy until Sam and then Girl Mercedes moved away. Jake and Marley and Ryderfish are all dog-people, that's why they all are fighting over each other trying to be happy with each other (she was confused for awhile because Ryderfish was a catfish but that doesn't make sense 'cos cats _eat_ fish so Ryderfish is a dog or maybe he's a fish and that's why Marley is with Jake?).

Quinn and Finn, cat and dog, not happy. Quinn and Puck, cat and dog, not happy even if they had Beth. Is Beth a kitty or a puppy? Quinn and Sam, cat and dog, not happy, Sam and Santana, same. Rachel and Puck, dog-people. Would be so hot. Should tell Puck to call Rachel. Wait, is Finn free? Puck and Rachel would be better, though. Puck and Lauren, dog and bear, bear is like a big dog, but too big. Hurt dog. Kittycat tried to get both Jake and Ryderfish but both boys are dogs and didn't want to go near that pussy. Artie is a robot, so he's smarter than everyone else and calls cats stupid. Goes to show what he knows 'cos cats aren't stupid. And Kurt and Blaine, cat and dog. Not good. Kurt kisses very well. She and Kurt got along 'cos they are both cats. But Blaine is a puppy, puppies get lonely. Puppies and dogs _need_ people. Cats don't need people. Cats can be alone but dogs can't so Puppy Blaine got lonely and got a new person to play with and cats are very territorial. She didn't like it when Kurt stopped kissing her. She didn't like it when Santana moved away. And Lord Tubbington doesn't like Sam.

So Sam and Brittany, dog and cat. Can not be happy. Sam should find a dog-person to be happy with. Marley already has two boy dogs. Rachel is in New York. And now that Mercedes cut her hair and became a cat-person, she and Sam shouldn't get back together (maybe they know that which is why they haven't?). Joe doesn't like boys which is really bad because she's the only girl dog who is around that doesn't have a boy dog or a girl dog (or even a cat) but she thinks Sam likes his partners to have less hair. Blaine likes boys though. And he has lots of hair but he keeps his neat, not like Joe.

And Sam and Blaine are best friends already! Like when she and Santana were best friends before they became girlfriends!

Brittany smiles. Brittany has a plan.


End file.
